Junk Food Junkie

By Larry Groce
Rise Up Singing chapter: Funny Songs, p.73
C - F C / - A D G / C - F C / C A DG C
Am - Dm Am / - - E - / Am - Dm Am / C A DG C

Chorus: F C G C / - Am E Am

Well you know I love that organic cooking, I always ask for more
And they call me Mr. Natural on down to the health food store
I only eat good sea salt, white sugar don't touch my lips
And my friends is always begging me to take them on macrobiotic trips
But at night I take out my strongbox that I keep under lock and key
And I take it off to my closet where nobody else can see
I open that lid so slowly, take a look up north and south
Then I pull out a Hostess Twinkie and I pop it in my mouth!

Oh, in the daytime I'm Mr. Natural, just as healthy as I can be
But at night I'm a junk food junkie, good Lord have pity on me
Well at lunchtime you can always find me at the whole earth vitamin bar
Just sucking on my plain white yoghurt from a hand-thrown pottery jar
And sipping little hand-pressed cider with a carrot stick for dessert
And wiping my face—in a natural way—on the sleeve of my peasant shirt
But when that clock strikes midnight and I'm all by myself
I work that combination on my secret hide-away shelf
I pull out some Fritos corn chips, Dr. Pepper and an old moon pie
And I sit back in glorious expectation of a genuine junk food high

My friends down at the commune they think I'm pretty neat
I don't know nothing 'bout arts and crafts* but I give them all something to eat
I'm a friend to old Euell Gibbons and I only eat homegrown spice
I've got a John Keats autographed Grecian urn filled up with my brown rice
Oh, but lately I've been spotted** with a Big Mac on my breath
Stumbling into a Colonel Sanders with a face as white as death
I'm afraid some day they'll find me just stretched out on my bed
With a handful of Pringle's potato chips and a Ding Dong by my head!

*or as my brother used to call it at camp: arts and farts
**scented